10 Things Teresa Giudice Missed While in Prison

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Raise your hand if you’ve indulged in countless hours of Real Housewives viewing. Perfect, hands down. Raise your hand if RHONJ is one of your favorites (obv behind Real Housewives of Miami because we all were obsessed with that…JK no one was). Perfect, hands down. Raise your hand if you felt any emotional hardship over the decisions of Teresa Giudice’s sentencing. Perfect, so did I.

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Since the queen of Jersey is now out of jail I thought it could be fun to recap 2015 all while reminiscing the time Teresa was in prison.

10. Andy Samberg gave out his HBO password

This made the list because the shit actually worked. I’m sure the Giudice family could have used the free viewing of HBO because lets be real, none of us want to pay… for anything. Their family just actually went a little further with that idea.

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9. Caitlyn Jenner

I’m sure this made it’s way into the jail walls but this was a big thing this year. Out of everything, her freaking wardrobe for being a female for what… 3 months… is way better than any of us peasant workers could ever dream of. Tre would have approved of the wardrobe selections I’m sure.

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8. Chrissy Teigen took over the world

Bi*** needs to be my friend. Bottom line. I can see the hours of laughter and the BFF bonding time over John playing the piano as we munch on some homemade snacks. Tre would have loved her insta’s, been super excited over the pregnancy announcement, and probably had some 2 cents over her well played Twitter ‘arguments’ this year.

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7. That stupid, annoying, worst viral thing ever, black or white dress

It’s blue and black. Get over it. It’s how your eyes see the color white and blah blah barf barf blah. I saw it white once… once out of like 50 times. Tre would have seen white and been SO VERY confused over it. It’s okay we disagree on this one.

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6. Donald Trump is running for Prez and so is Kanye at some point

Too much politics for me on this one. I just really want someone (president, the lottery, fairy godmother) to do away with my student debt. Tre is probably not that happy with uhhh the government right now… but hey, jail looks like it did a great job on her new bod. Same type of thing when you get the flu and throw up a few times. Not the worst thing ever.

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5. Steve Harvey effing up the Miss Universe winner

Ah this one gets me every time. Did he do it on purpose did he not? I guess we will never know. The card was INCREDIBLY confusing, I get him there BUT you’ve got ONE JOB STEVE. If I was poor Miss Colombia (which I’d never be, my pasty white ass over here) I would not have given up that crown. Let me have it for a week then I’ll rethink the whole thing. Tre would have been devastated for Miss C. They probably could relate somehow.

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4. Kim K had another baby

Happy Days for the West family! Their family grew from 3 to 4. North is becoming a star herself so I can’t wait to see how Saint (BARF) takes on social media. NO one and I mean NO one will compare to the Guidice girls though.

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3. Derek Jeter got engaged

Still. No. Words.

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2. I went to my first bachelorette party

I mean really thought how cool is this one! No, strippers were not present, bummer I know. But still was an insanely fun filled day with so much alcohol, it’s actually nauseating to think about again. My long time friend Alyssa got married so it was fun to get part of the gang back together! Tre never says no to a drink, so in her honor we had some Fabellini… a lot of Fabellini actually.

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Without further ado –

 

1. Adele

Everything Adele. Now I have a story for you. My friend Brit reallllly wanted tickets to her concert so I happened to be working from home that morning (patches had a hair appointment) so I figured why not, I’ll log on at 10am and try and help her out incase it’s insanity. Well you know the end of the story here. It was insanity!! I got in at 10:01. Got tickets. Section like 116 at MSG on Sunday. I messaged her and she already got them like a section different. So I sat there and debated about getting the tickets – I had 30 seconds to decide. With tax the 2 tickets would have been over 350 bucks and with Christmas like 2 weeks away I hesitated. So MY IDIOT SELF decided I would refresh to see whats available for the $95 tickets. I bet you can guess what happened. YES I NEVER GOT BACK IN SO I NEVER GOT TICKETS. The tickets I literally had in my hands are now going for like 2000 each. EACH. And I struggled with $350, UGH. This is something that I will never forgot. My dumbest moment in my social history. I’m sure Tre and Gia will be like row 10 at MSG living it up next September. Whatever.

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There you have it. 2015 wrapped up with our dearest friend Teresa! 2015 was also big as I moved in with my lovely BF! It’s been a lot of fun so far and I don’t yet want to chop his head off or take him out by the knees. We are doing some fun home renovations to his house though so I will try to share some of that in the next few posts! But if are looking for like real home decor inspo, go check out my friends blog Hickory & Hearth!!  She won’t disappoint :)

 

Just remember I did see Beyonce on my birthday. Bey vs Adele… I’m not sure who wins here. Depends on the day. Bey did just crush it with Channing so she may be a little higher on the Richter scale.

 

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Amazing Chili Recipe!

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The name for this should be: World Famous Chili

If you didn’t know, I am a TWO-TIME CHILI COOK OFF WINNER. My company has an annual chili cook off the week of Thanksgiving where 25 employees enter a chili. THAT’S right I beat 24 other chili’s, TWICE!! It’s really an accomplishment seeing as I used to hate chili growing up. Beans freak me out and veggies were just never my thing. But once I got a bit older and wiser, I started to like my dad’s chili pilled high with cheese and Fritos scoops for dipping (obv picking around the beans – that will never happen).

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Here is proof of my win

My winning recipe last year was a mac and cheese chili. PHENOMINAL if I do say so myself. I couldn’t even test it a second time because my crockpot was licked clean. **takes a bow** So this year I was out to take home the big W again. The trash talking around the office was at an all time high (no joke, so much trash talk) and I had the biggest target on my back. The only thing that cautioned me from the start was the new rules for this year competition– no pasta, rice, quinoa, cheese, and bunch of other crap. INNOVATION IS MY KEY TO SUCCESS. I went to the drawing board Pinterest to see what was out there. After some poking around I decided to go with a classic chili, my dad’s classic chili recipe. I added a few outliers to his recipe (to make it my own) but in the end the crux of the chili is the family recipe.

Going into chili day I was not as confident as I was the year before. Going into a competition with a classic is tough and nerve-wracking. The key to success and getting peoples votes (yes we all vote at the end, quite official actually) is to have a creative name. A name the people remember. A name the people keep talking about. A name the people chant and want more of. Okay sorry.

Well last years name was: Mac that Ass Up

This year’s name…

CHILINE DION

And let me tell you if the office was Twitter, Chiline Dion was #trending worldwide.

Despite the haters, I won with 26% of the votes. We have over 150 people in the office so yeah there is that. suckers.

Are you ready for the recipe now?

 

IT’S AMAZING.

Amazing Chili Recipe

 

Okay here is what you will need:

1 pound of hamburger meat (80/20 but 90/10 if you feel like going for it)

1 pound of hot sausage patties (you will only use half so if you can find smaller, holler)

½-1 green pepper

½-1 small yellow onion

½ jalapeño, seeds INCLUDED

½-1 cup of celery

A chunk of garlic, chopped

1 bag of sharp cheddar sheese

1 LARGE can (28oz) of crushed tomatoes (If you like really chunky chili you could do something chunkier or half and half)

1 can (15 oz) of red beans (I HATE beans so I only put in half a can)

1 packet of chili seasoning, mild

Some brown sugar

Some cayenne pepper

Some cumin

Salt & Pepper

 

Get a large pot.

Brown the meats together in the pot. Use all the hamburger meat and then 3-4 patties of the hot sausage. Salt and pepper the shit out of it!!! Once that is brown but still has a few red chunks pour out a lot of the juices from the bottom of the pot. You can keep a little but try to get a lot out. After that, add in the veggies (pepper, jalapeño, onion, garlic, celery) to the meat. I put “½-1” in the directions because I only used a half of each but if my dad made it he’d probably use a full pepper and a full onion. All personal preference.

Make sure those are all chopped up decently. Once you give them a nice mix in with the meat, put a lid on it and let steam together for 3-5 mins.

Give it a few good stirs in the meantime.

Once that’s all mixed together and the veggies are no longer firm, add the chili mix right to the meat and veggies. This is key (I personally think). Stir that powder in real good and let sit for a few mins after.

Now add the beans. ADD IN THE BEAN JUICE (gross sounding, I know). Mix that all in. Maybe throw a few shakes of salt and pepper here… Now the fun part – add the full can of crushed tomatoes. Run the inside of the can under a little water to grab the leftovers on the side and pour only a little into the chili mixture. You definitely do not want too much water. Now mix!!!

At this point, it’s going to smell amazing, feel free to taste test. Cheese is always amazing so add in 2 handfuls of cheddar cheese and stir it in.

Wait about a min or so before doing anything else. Now the best ingredient – brown sugar. I add in like a finger grasp full into the chili. Mix it up real good then add in a tad bit more. I never measure this, go with your gut. Now I will add in a few dashes of extra cayenne, one healthy dash of cumin, and then a taste test.

Amazing Chili

From here you are done!!! It now depends on personal preference if you want a little more brown sugar or a little more heat with the cayenne!

Viola! The worlds best chili is literally in front of your eyes. Don’t forget the extra pile of cheddar cheese to top it all off. I made a batch of Jiffy corn muffins to go on the side and man, they just put the cherry on top!

Let me know if you have any questions on the recipe! You can email me – [email protected] or just leave a comment. If you do make it soon, let me know how it turns out!!

Enjoy!

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